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And I live on
And I Live On: The Resilience of Rwandan Genocide Survivors of Sexual Violence features searing testimonials from Rwandan survivors of the genocide against the Tutsi 15 and 25 years after the horrific events of 1994.
The authors: Anne-Marie de Brouwer | Sandra Ka Hon Chu | Eefje de Volder | Samer Muscati
For those who do not believe in miracles
Upon coming face-to-face with death, Beata Mukarubuga escapes its fearsome grasp at the last moment. This hair-raising escape alone justifies the book’s title For those who do not believe in miracles, a biography of Mama Lambert (Beata Mukarubuga).
The authors: Mama Lambert | Hans Dekkers
And I live on
And I Live On: The Resilience of Rwandan Genocide Survivors of Sexual Violence features searing testimonials from Rwandan survivors of the genocide against the Tutsi 15 and 25 years after the horrific events of 1994. Through their narratives and Samer Muscati’s powerful portraits, these women and one man bear witness to the crimes committed in their country and to the suffering they continue to endure. The testimonials also showcase the survivors’ extraordinary strength, courage and resilience—challenging the stigma they face both as survivors of sexual violence and as people living with HIV. In speaking out, they provide a glimpse into the worlds of survivors living with the genocide’s legacy decades after a conflict. Their stories, along with the accompanying text, make an indelible impact.
For those who do not believe in miracles
An almost unbelievable tale of the horrors of the genocide that broke out in 1994 in Rwanda, as seen through the eyes of Beata, a Tutsi woman and one of its victims. She was on the run for three months with her one year-old son, Lambert, on her back. She survives the terrible slaughter, but loses everything dear to her. Now she faces the nearly impossible task of building a new future for herself all alone. But Beata shows amazing resilience, leaves the name ‘Beata’ behind and goes forward in life as Mama Lambert.
The reader follows her difficult journey in which forgiveness, reconciliation and strong faith are the healing powers that form the basis for her renewed existence and rightly give the book its title For those who do not believe in miracles.
What they say about “And I live on”
“This book is about moving beyond surviving into becoming victors. It reminds us that while their pain and abuse will remain remarkable, their testimonials and current situation is what resilience and courage mean. This is what the commitment to remember, unite and renew yields.”
“The survivors of unspeakably brutal sexual violence managed to leave their past in the past. They realised it would destroy their future. With incredible strength they managed to live for what today has to offer, not for what the terrible past has taken away. This book tells us how they returned the smiles to their faces and the hope in their hearts.”
“If the designation of survivor resonates over the miserable label of victim, then these lives that persist, strengthen, must continue to speak, loudly.”
“Graphically, and without doubt, this book makes the case that rape is no lesser crime than murder.”
“And I Live On: The Resilience of Rwandan Genocide Survivors of Sexual Violence is an exemplary contribution to genocide studies and advances public understanding of genocide. It is a distinct contribution to many disciplines including genocide studies, sociology, history, conflict resolution and human rights. The book is also a testament to the editors’ and photographer’s vision of the consequential role we all have in contributing to a more compassionate and just world. Pioneering allies to survivors, they serve as an example to us all.”
“Survivors choose to tell their stories in the hope that others will hear. These searing testimonials of inconsolable anguish and awe-inspiring resilience will change you forever and spark you to act to honour dignity.”
What they say about “For those who do not believe in miracles”
“Rarely have I read a book that has touched me so much. From the bottom of my heart I dare to say: ‘Mama Lambert is an African heroine’.”
“Mama Lambert finds so much strength and inspiration in forgiveness that there is plenty for others to draw on, including you and me. Mama Lambert teaches us that forgiveness takes us from beaten to unbeatable.”
“The story of Mama Lambert is particularly special for the way in which she deals with her trauma. Realising that she cannot continue her life as before, she forgives those who murdered her family. Mama Lambert takes her own path. She does not flee from Rwanda or her past, instead looking the murderers and her trauma straight in the eye.”
“Mama Lambert describes what she experiences during her escape. Despair, exhaustion, and the horrible things that happened before her eyes. Reading her words made me feel like a disbelieving witness. I wanted to look away, but Mama Lambert kept carrying me away. And showed me: this, too, is a humankind.
Not only the horrors are unbelievable, but also her strength. Mama Lambert is losing many of her loved ones, family and acquaintances. Her husband and five of her children are brutally murdered during the genocide. She survives the genocide together with her youngest son and later finds two of her children again. Wrestling, she finds her way to forgiveness, and helps others to regain their life force.
This book is a testimony that should be read.”
“Women like Mama Lambert, women who survived, women who learned to forgive: these are the true heroes of war. They continue to tell the stories of hope.”
‘And I live on’
Proceeds:
Part of the proceeds from the sales of the book And I Live On will go to Mukomeze, a charitable organisation established to improve the lives of Rwandan genocide survivors of sexual violence, including those featured in the book. Mukomeze partners with Solace Ministries in Rwanda.
Mama Lambert is head counsellor of the survivors featured in the book And I Live On. Her own testimony was shown during the Kwibuka25 commemoration on 7 April 2019 in the City Hall of The Hague, the Netherlands. Watch the video here:
‘For those who do not believe in miracles’
Awards:
Mama Lambert was a finalist of the USIP Women Building Peace Award 2020 and a recipient to the ‘Voice Achievers Award African Community Service 2019’. Watch the USIP video here:

Testimonials of some women in the book ‘And I live on’

Marie Claire Uwera

Gloriose Mushimiyimana
Listen to the story of Marie Louise. Attention: in Kinyarwanda followed by translation in English.
‘A decade ago, we met survivors still haunted by rape and the loss of their loved ones, but determined to change themselves and their country for the better.’ Read the authors’ article in The Globe and Mail (full version):
And I live on
About the authors

Anne-Marie de Brouwer
WRITER / EDITOR
Co-Founder and team member at Impact. Chair of the Mukomeze Foundation.
Sandra Ka Hon Chu
WRITER / EDITOR
Director of Research and Advocacy at the Canadian HIV/AIDS Legal Network.
Eefje de Volder
WRITER / EDITOR
Co-Founder and team member at Impact: Center against Human Trafficking and Sexual Violence in Conflict.
Samer Muscati
PHOTOGRAPHER / WRITER / EDITOR
Documentary photographer and Associate Director of the Disability Rights Division at Human Rights Watch.

Foreword written by:
Patricia Viseur Sellers
Special Advisor on Gender to the Prosecutor of the International Criminal Court and former Gender Legal Advisor for the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda.
For those who do not believe in miracles
About the authors
Mama Lambert – Hans Dekkers
Mama Lambert (1952) has been the head of counseling of Solace Ministries in Rwanda since 2002, where she supports genocide survivors, including those portrayed in the book ‘And I Live On’, in coming to terms with the genocide against the Tutsi. Hans Dekkers (1946), a retired primary school teacher/principal from the Netherlands, wrote down Mama Lambert’s life story.


Foreword written by:
Anke Vervoord
First president of UN Women the Netherlands, CEO Harteraad and former director Vrouwen van Nu.
Related publications
- Softcover Part of the proceeds from the sales of this book will go to Mukomeze, a charitable organisation established to improve the lives of Rwandan genocide survivors of sexual violence, including those featured in the book.
- Receive the ePub version of the book immediately by e-mail. Part of the proceeds from the sales of this book will go to Mukomeze, a charitable organisation established to improve the lives of Rwandan genocide survivors of sexual violence, including those featured in the book 'And I live on'.
- Get the ePub version of the book immediately delivered by e-mail.